Life with Ava

Our first homecoming was probably more important to me than it was for Ava or J. As I mentioned in the earlier post, my dad and my brother picked us up from the airport and took us back to my parents' house as they watched our dogs while we were gone. I can't tell you how much I was looking forward to getting there and letting someone (my mom) take care of me for just a little while. She had vegetable soup (my favorite) and a lemon cake (J's favorite) waiting for us.

We'd asked folks to not show up at the airport or at my parents because we were sick and tired (literally) and we didn't want to stress Ava out any more, so it was just a small group consisting of one of my sisters, my sister-in-law, and my 3 youngest nieces and nephew. My nieces were just crazy about Ava, but everyone was very respectful of our request to not overwhelm the baby and, although they were disappointed that they weren't able to hold her, they understood why we were not allowing it. That said, the minute everyone left we handed her off to my mom (which Ava was fine with as long as she could see either me or J) because we really wanted to eat and just chill for a few minutes. There's just something about my mom that just settles kids down - of course Ava probably sensed that this person knew what they were doing while we were just clueless and mucking about half the time.

My other sister and niece came by the next morning for a brief visit, as did my aunt and uncle. Again, this was very laid back and they just admired Ava while she tried to figure out who all these people were.

Our second homecoming was wonderful. It was incredible to walk into your own house, sleep in your own (soft) bed, and to just know that everything you want or need is there. I can't tell you how spacious our house seemed after living in hotel rooms for the last few weeks and how awesome it was that we all had our own spaces.

Lily-cat was a little miffed at us for a few hours upon our return and walked around with a puffed up tail for about a day but she had a wonderful caretaker (who also spoiled her just like my untraining-dog parents did) and was just fine. The fish that never die also lived up to their reputation and were all still around when we returned.

We did have an unexpected guest waiting for us in the front yard, though.

I think this came from my company (still need to call and check - just haven't had time with all the running around we've been doing). It was quite a nice surprise to see it, but boy have I been cursing it since. Apparently it's like waving a red flag to everyone that drives by our house inviting them to come up and ring our doorbell and offer congratulations. While that's nice and all, it seems like this only happens at naptimes and bedtime. Let me remind you that we have 3 dogs and they all go ballistic when the doorbell rings. See where I'm going with this? I never realized how important naptime is for both baby and parents…and how much bodily harm you wish to do to people who don't realize/respect this.

More posts coming and am updating past posts with pictures as well.

Okay - this is it. This is the last day (+1) of our trip and will finally get us home and caught up on The Trip posts. Bear with me as this will be a really long post.

Day 17 - Guangzhou/Tokyo/Chicago/Roanoke

We started out the morning bright (not really, it was dark) and early. We were all up at 3:30am so we could finish packing and get ready to meet the others at 5am. None of us got much sleep the night prior due to a combination of excitement to be heading home and dreading the upcoming trip. Not that we were anxious to get started or anything but we were the first to be in the bus loading area and were on the bus as soon as the doors opened.

Our flight was at 9:15am but the bus left the hotel at 5:30am in order to get everyone there and on to their flights in time. The airport is about an hour(ish) from the hotel and the weather was bad, so we weren't too upset about the early departure time. Our facilitator talked for a bit when we started out - reminding everyone of the importance of maintaining contact with each other for the kids' sake and teaching them to be proud of their Chinese heritage. She also thanked us for being such an amenable group - I guess not all groups get along as well as we did and it can be unpleasant and difficult when they don't. Unfortunately we didn't get to know the folks who adopted from Guangdong very well, but our Wuhan group got along swimmingly.

We were the only ones flying All Nippon for our departure so J was off like a shot as soon as the bus stopped. He was very ready to get rid of our bags, so there was no time for goodbyes beyond a wave as I trotted after him with baby in tow. Most of the others were flying Northwest with a few who opted to make their own arrangements as we did. We breezed through customs and immigration although the immigration people did examine Ava and her passport closely. Security wasn't a lot of fun as J had to drink from the thermos of hot water we had for bottles and Ava and I got felt up by some security chick before they would let us through.

We finally broke free and headed toward a Starbucks knock off joint where we were totally fleeced of most of our remaining yuan. Now y'all know this is an amazingly cheap country to travel in…that is until you get to the airport where we paid over $20USD for a soda, a cup of coffee, a waffle, and some toast. Good thing we had some yuan we needed to get rid of. Between that and an Olympics souvenir shop I managed to spend it all except for 6 yuan which I gave to my hairdresser last week for her son.

The comments from strangers started at the airport. There was an American woman there with her daughter who kept staring at us while we were eating. I guess she finally couldn't stand it any more and came to ask about Ava. The lady was very nice and said some wonderful things about raising kids, and then totally mortified her twenty something daughter by recounting embarrassing childhood events.

We finally made it onto the plane and were treated absolutely wonderfully by All Nippon. From check-in onward they were totally about customer service and making sure that we were taken care of. The flight attendants were so nice and they all wanted to come and coo over Ava. They really went out of their way to ensure that we were comfortable and happy. American carriers can certainly learn a thing or two about service from the Asian carriers. The difference is absolutely amazing.

Our flight to Tokyo was about 3.5 hours and since we had bulkhead seats on this one we gate checked the carseat and they gave us a bassinet for her. She slept for a little over an hour and happily played in her seat or on us for the rest of the time. She whined a bit as we were descending (likely her ears) but she was very, very good. Again, the flight attendants were awesome and definitely helped entertain Ava through the flight.

We got off in Tokyo and had just about an hour to connect to the next flight. This was a comedy of errors from the get-go. The carseat/stroller crashed (good thing the baby was on me and the diaper bag was in the stroller) and the baby needed to be changed. Nobody told us that even on connecting flights that were only one level away we would have to completely go through security again AND that they would stop everyone else to let a large group of schoolgirls go through security first AND that Ava would (of course) need to be changed at the worst possible time AND that it's hard as heck to find the darn gate once we did finally make it through security. The one upside to all of this is that I was nearing breakdown by the time we did finally make it to the gate and the United rep took one look at us schlepping all this crap around and let us preboard with the first class people. Mind you that I'm also coughing like I have TB and gasping for breath at this point.

We transferred from All Nippon to United at this point and the quality of service degraded quickly once we were on board. I also got paid back in spades for all the times that I (unintentionally) gave the look to people with infants on planes that were seated next to me. For what it's worth, this is my public apology to those people. Now I know that the only thing worse than a crying infant on a plane is to be the parents of that infant, because you feel infinitely worse when you're also annoyed by, but yet responsible for, the crying baby. I can't tell you how many dirty looks we got from the people sitting around us as Ava was fussing a bit before takeoff. A couple of them glared at us and tried to move to other seats but the flight attendants made them move back since the plane was relatively full.

We had a seat and carseat for Ava so by this time I'm just pissed about all the mean looks and becoming increasingly stressed at the same time. Ava continued to fuss as we took off but J and I managed to calm and settle her pretty quickly. She was very active so we did lots of handing her back and forth for an hour or so. She was absolutely wired and getting loud and demanding so we (bad parents, I know) finally broke out the benadryl. By this time, I'd reached my limit with being sick, exhausted, and emotionally drained and finally just broke down. I cried for ages - J couldn't look at me or talk to me without setting me off again. I must have spent at least an hour crying in the lavatory. I was a mess and I'm not normally a crier so neither I nor J knew what to make of this development. I'm so thankful that J really stepped in and took over with Ava. He did most of the caretaking on the rest of this very, very long flight (11.5 hours). Thankfully, she did sleep for much of it and she did get her first rose from a male admirer - one of the first class flight attendants walked through and fell hard for her. He fashioned her a rose from an aluminum omelet cover (see below).

Our flight attendants (both male) on this flight were awful. They were loud and unhelpful and mostly invisible except for the one who banged Ava in the head with the beverage cart and the other one who spent the whole flight talking to the passenger behind us who claimed to be some semi-famous music producer. Of course, our flight attendant is a wanna-be singer who has met one or two famous people and did a commercial voice over for some radio station - apparently in his eyes this makes him marketable and he did his level best to impress the music producer (supposedly - but why would he be flying in Economy Plus if he were famous) throughout the entire. freaking. flight.

Eventually the hell that was the Tokyo to Chicago flight ended and I managed to pull myself together well enough to brave O'Hare Airport. By the way, is there any particular reason that they can't offer elevators in all sections? I can't imagine if I'd had to do this alone with a child in a stroller. J managed to maneuver kid and stroller down two escalators while I dealt with the carry on baggage until we got to immigration. It was a small blessing that we were able to go through the foreigners line since Ava was traveling on her Chinese passport and that line was much, much shorter. That went smoothly and Ava was made an American citizen in short order with no fanfare, although the immigrations officer did at least offer up a couple of congratulations. We then picked up our baggage (everything made it) and, thankfully, we did not have to go through a detailed customs search. We rechecked everything and hopped on the airport transit system to Terminal One.

Did I mention yet that I hate O'Hare? I really do.

Security here was mean. Really mean. The TSA guy was a real jerk and made J go through without me and Ava - leaving me to maneuver the baby through and telling me that the stroller had to be x-rayed. The problem is that I couldn't break it down by myself holding Ava and the agent wouldn't let anyone help me, not to mention that the stroller won't fit through the machine anyway. J was pissed and bitching from one side and I'm in tears again on the other and the guy finally gets mad at me for blocking the way and calls his supervisor over. Thank goodness - the supervisor takes one look at me getting ready to cry for the millionth time that day and calls the other guy off. He hand carried everything through for me and waved us on.

More issues at the gate that I won't belabor simply because they did manage to get us out of there mostly on time, even if we did have to walk out to the plane on icy steps in 1 degree weather (literally). J once again gets the carseat secured and takes over with Ava for the flight. I doze off before the plane taxied out, as does Ava and everyone else on the plane. It was a short flight, only about an hour, and we were in Roanoke pretty quickly.

It was so good to walk off of that plane and see my dad and brother there to pick us up. I think Ava made a couple of easy conquests that day. Only minor issues at this end - we had the only checked bags on the flight so we waited and waited at baggage claim only to find out that they were taken to the ticket counter. No big deal even though it took us asking a couple of times to find out where our bags were. My brother poured us into the Xterra and we headed for my parents house. Ava slept almost the entire hour long drive.

I'll skip all the homecoming details and save them for another post.

The next day (the 31st) we loaded Ava, the dogs, and all of our stuff into the truck and headed home. One of the pups was a little bit sick so she got the front seat with J and Ava and I took the back seat where we both promptly crashed and slept most of this trip (5 hours), too. We were all so glad we took the carseat with us to China as she had already figured out that carseat mode = sleep. This made life so much easier for both flying and driving.

All total we spent about 18-19 hours on planes and a few more hours in airports and cars. J and I have traveled a lot in our lives but this trip was the most physically and emotionally demanding experience that I've ever encountered and no one could have fully prepared us for it. It's definitely one of those experiences that you can't really understand unless you've done it.

So this finally finishes up the trip posts, although I still need to add photos. I'll try to do a homecoming post (no pictures, can you believe it? So tired that we didn't even think of them until too late.) and then get back to the present posthaste.

Still backdating posts but I'm almost done and can get to the present soon. Ava is doing great and we see lots of improvement and new things daily.

Day 16 - Guangzhou

Ava gets better ever day with the highchair at breakfast. She actually sat in the thing for a full meal (ours) this morning. It was so nice being able to eat without being pushed back 4 ft. from the table or without eating from a plate pushed so far back from the edge it's nearly in the center of the table. We're giving her bits of food to play with although she won't dare let them touch her mouth and, oh heavens, the screaming if we try to push even a taste of anything in there.

This morning was set aside for shopping. I don't particularly like to shop so it's torture for me to have to make a list and try to buy everything we wanted for Ava. I know that some folks buy enough gifts to give one on each Gotcha' Day, but there was no way I could get that organized. We went to my favorite little shop, Susan's Place, and bought several outfits, many shoes, and some odds and ends souvenir-y things for a very few people. After finishing up there, we stopped at one other shop called 'The Home of Love,' which sounds a bit racy but isn't, and bought about a gazillion more pairs of squeaky shoes in a variety of sizes.

We grabbed lunch to go from Lucy's Bar, which is kind of an institution on the island. You can get everything from fish-n-chips to fried rice here - complete with an American draft beer if you want one. We got the fish-n-chips, feeling sentimental for our days in jolly old England, but it wasn't quite the same.

After lunch we had to head to the American consulate for the swearing in ceremony and to pick up Ava's visa. It sounds very solemn and moving…but it really wasn't. It was a long, long bus ride, then a hike up about 5 floors with babies in tow, and then contending with about a million people stuffed in one big room. There are no pictures of any of this because you are not allowed to take cameras into the actual immigration offices (you're not missing anything - it looks like every other government office with cheap laminate floor tiles and gray walls). After going through a passport check and an x-ray security check we lined up to show our passports AGAIN at the window where a surly clerk verified that J and I were who we said we were and that the baby we held was the same baby in the passport photo. After all of this we sat down to wait on everyone else in the room to do the same.

Once everyone had verified (yeah, right - like any of us still look like their passport photos) their identity, the consulate officer came out and did a warm up monologue worthy of Jay Leno (with the writer's strike still in force) where he tried to chat up the audience. He finally got on to the ceremony where J and I (and all the others) had to hold up our right hand and swear that all the information we've submitted to the USCIS over the last few years has been truthful and correct. That was pretty much it (what a letdown as I was expecting a brass band or at least an American flag or two) and we collected Ava's visa and the immigration paperwork before trooping back to the bus where we settled in for another long bus ride.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. The schedule we were originally given called for us turning our bags over at 5am and this was changed at the last minute to handing them over at 9pm the night prior. We panicked and began furiously packing - ultimately realizing that there was no way we were going to have enough room for everything. This necessitated another trip out to purchase a suitcase where J did some last minute bargaining and came away with a 'real' (yeah, right) Polo suitcase for 50 yuan. Dinner was chips and snacks we had in the room and I nipped out one last time to pick up a bracelet that I'd been eyeballing which J had noticed and bought for me.

While we enjoyed most of our time in China, the final week was very trying on all of us. We were all sick and my chipped tooth was driving me bananas. The proximity of 3 people living in one hotel room was enough to make anyone batty (way too much closeness here) and all I could think about by that time was having my own washer and dryer and being able to drink water out of the tap without having to boil it first.

I'm very glad China does things the way they do. It's important that adoptive parents see some of the country and understand where these girls come from. That said, the final week of bureaucracy belongs to the US government and we were just over it by that point. It was time to come home and start our life as a family of three by establishing some routines, which you simply cannot do when you're living like displaced nomads.

Last China post later - details on the last morning we were there (not much to say, really) and all about our flight(s) home…

Day 15 - Guangzhou

Even though today was our consulate appointment, it was really a free day for us as our facilitator, Shiyan, did all the work. We'd given her all of our paperwork and supporting documentation on Saturday so she took everything to the consulate and dropped off our visa paperwork. We were so grateful for this as the consulate is all the way across the city and it's about an hour long bus ride to get there. We've spent enough time in buses, thank you very much, and were happy to avoid another one.

We took advantage of the free time to link up with Josh and Kathy and head off to visit the Six Banyan Temple. This is a Buddhist temple located in Guangzhou and is well known for the eight story, octagonal pagoda in the center of the temple complex. The temple was originally built in 537, but has been rebuilt several times over the years. The name was given by Su Dongpo, a poet from the Song Dynasty (960 - 1279). It is said that he visited the temple and was moved and inspired by six banyan trees there that he found particularly beautiful. It was later renamed the Temple of the Six Banyan Trees. Unfortunately, the trees are no longer there.

As you can tell from all the lanterns, they were preparing for the Lunar New Year celebrations.

The centerpiece and the most visited structure is the Six Banyan or Flowery Pagoda (it's called both names). We were able to purchase tickets to climb to the top so J strapped Ava in a little tighter in the Ergo and we started the hike onwards and upwards. The pagoda is very tall and skinny so the steps get increasingly steeper and narrower as you reach the upper levels.

J is also a bit afraid of heights so it started to bother him around the 5th floor, but he soldiered on and we went all the way to the top. The depth of the outdoor walkway is maybe 2 feet wide and there's only a waist high wooden rail separating you from a plunge to the ground below so we were glad Ava was strapped in and unable to move.

The views were incredible and you could see almost the whole city from the top.

I have to note that our facilitator (keep in mind we used a Christian faith based adoption agency) never could really understand why we wanted to visit a Buddhist temple and did not assist us with arranging our excursion. We caught a cab from the hotel and muddled our way through buying entry tickets, but we did see a number of guided American adoptive families there. We walked the rest of the complex, stopping to watch a service (from a respectful distance) of some sort by the monks. It was pretty cool hearing the chanting and watching some of the ceremony even though we didn't understand a bit of it. Ava wasn't impressed and kept blowing raspberries at one of the monks in the front row. He gave her a wave so I guess he didn't mind too much. Josh has gotten pretty good at flagging down cabs here so he did this in short order as we were being approached by a number of beggars on the street.

Made it back to the hotel in time for Ava's lunch and a good long nap in preparation for our trip to the Pearl Market. That was on my list of things to do so I'd asked our facilitator for directions the day prior. Once she realized there were a number of people who wanted to do this, she organized a bus to take us all there and she went to offer some guidance (not much, though). J decided to stay back at the hotel with Ava since she was napping and now he wasn't feeling well. We got there and Shiyan took most of the folks to a mid-quality shop but that wasn't what I was looking for (you get what you pay for) so I went off to another higher quality shop.

After everyone finished shopping Shiyan was going to escort everyone across the street to catch taxis back to the hotel. Josh and Kathy (along with their daughter, Lin-Lin) and I decided we were adult enough to cross the street on our own and walked around the pearl market a bit more. This complex sold all sorts of (mostly wholesale) gemstones and pearls and it was fascinating to walk around and see huge bags of pearls and semi-precious gemstones just laying around on the floors. We weren't really their type of customer (think big jewelry makers instead) so it was pleasant to not have vendors trying to convince us to come into their stores.

We walked around a bit outside and came across an old guildhall tucked in a tiny spot between these massive modern malls. I have no idea what it was for (something about the Silk Road or Silk Route, I think) but it was gorgeous. Sadly, no pictures because even though J told me to take the camera I didn't because who'd have thought I would have needed it since we were only going to the Pearl Market? Duh on me for that one. Josh again got us a cab posthaste when the temperature began to drop and we managed to make it back to the hotel once again.

We (the four 6 troublemakers - can you tell we hung out with Josh, Kathy, and Lin-Lin a lot?) did an early dinner at the hotel and planned to do a night-time Pearl River cruise, but this time J was feeling poorly so they went off without us and had a great time. We hung out in the room where Ava had a massive meltdown over bedtime. I finally had to take a walk as I was so frustrated and upset that J took over and I wandered over to Starbucks (again) and down to browse through a tiny shop that was a little off the beaten path. It's called Susan's Place and I had a great conversation with the shopkeeper while I browsed around. It's a shame her place is so far down because the quality of her merchandise was outstanding and had some different items from the rest of the shops (some the same, of course). I browsed and chatted while drinking my hot chocolate until I calmed down and headed back. We fought an epic sleep battle ALL night and none of us got any sleep.

Pictures added 9 Feb.

We are finally home (arrived at my parents' house on Wednesday the 30th and home on the 31st). I'm still catching up and trying to keep this in a sort of order so will continue with our travel journals and do a home update soon.

Day 14 - Guangzhou

We had an unplanned free day today (thank goodness) as our scheduled excursion to a botanical garden with the group was canceled due to the weather. We expected Guangzhou to be sunny and pleasant (and I even packed capris, just in case) but the snow and ice everywhere else in China meant it was chilly and rainy even here. J and I had then tentatively made plans with Josh and Kathy to take the girls and visit the 6 Banyan Temple but I felt like crap and begged off. They were cool with that and we rescheduled for another day.  We were up much of the night with Ava, as usual, but J took over in the AM and let me get another hour of much needed sleep. I have the worst cold that I think I've ever had and it's really taken it out of me at the worst possible time.

We finally got up and about and trekked out around the island to have a look 'round.  Shamian Island is really beautiful and I would love to see it in the spring.  After the pollution and hustle of the big cities the island was like a mirage - it is very green with lush gardens, gorgeous tropical plants, ancient trees, and friendly (and relatively non-pushy) people. Shamian Island was a key strategic defense point during the opium war period and was leased to the French and British around that time. Much of Shamian is protected by the state as a historical area, including the architectural complex built during the concession period in Shamian’s modern times. The area became concession in 1859, and afterwards the British, French, American, German, Japanese, Italian, Netherlands and Portuguese set up consulates, banks and trade offices, one after another. The Kuomintang (KMT) government took over Shamian after winning the Anti-Japanese War in 1945. Many of the old buildings are of Western classic layout giving it a peculiarly colonial feel. And I have to say that I was incredibly happy to see a Starbucks as I'd not yet succumbed and was seriously jonesing for a grande hot chocolate, skim, with no whipped cream.

We did a tiny bit of shopping but mostly just picked up our laundry and looked around. We didn't want to keep Ava out long because of the weather so I bought only one outfit (because it was one of the few emerald green ones that I'd seen) and a couple of pairs of the famous squeaky shoes. We grabbed some snacks from 7-11 and headed back to the room for a quick nap for all 3 of us.

Good thing I'm an impulse shopper because we got an unexpected call (interrupting our naptime) that the red couch photos scheduled for the following day had been rescheduled for that evening. I was so glad to already have a silk outfit for Ava so we tossed her (not literally) in the bathtub with J for a scrubdown. Geez, does this kid hate water! The good thing about her is that while she screams like a banshee from the time even one toe touches the surface she will stop immediately upon removal. Got her cleaned up and headed down to the 2nd floor of the hotel.

I'm not sure how the red couch photo thing got started but basically every travel group gets their kids together and poses them on one of the many red couches throughout the aviary area in the hotel. It was pretty humorous watching the hubbub of people trying to get x number of kids to sit still for a photo - the parents were hilarious and the kids were pretty much unhappy with the whole situation.

Our travel group of 14 families was split into 3 groups. One group (ours) was comprised of 4 families that adopted from Hubei, one group was 1 family who adopted from Nanning, and the remainder adopted from Guangdong. The Hubei girls were great on the red couch. They were quiet - well, until Elizabeth (one of the babies) decided she was very interested in Ava's outfit and attempted to pull it off of her. Ava dissolved into tears, but only after we got a number of very good shots. The Guangdong group never did manage to get a tear-free photo. After finishing up here, we got some group photos of all of us with the babies and headed out for dinner at a local restaurant.

The dinner was very good and we're pretty sure we only ate beef and chicken since our facilitator went along and ordered for us. We had the most amazing spicy green beans and our table managed to wolf down nearly everything in sight - one of the other tables was sending food over to us because they couland't finish everything. We had no problems with that. I was thrilled because J held Ava for the whole dinner and I was actually able to eat a meal without constantly pushing little hands away from my plate and I've finally (almost) gotten the chopstick thing down now.

Ava still hates being put down and won't tolerate sitting in a highchair. We managed about 5 minutes this morning at breakfast so I have hopes that any improvement is a step in the right direction. J is very much a breakfast person so I generally have the breakfast duty of holding the baby. She continues to wolf down the bottles and we've begun adding rice cereal to pretty much all of them now.

I won't say everything is easy. The lack of sleep is getting to both of us, me more so than J, probably because I'm sick. J is an incredible dad, though. He's infinitely patient with Ava and is much less likely than I am to get flustered or frustrated. Ava is also very, very clingy and will absolutely not sit and play by herself at all. We're just lucky she seems to like both of us and will happily be with either me or J with little fuss.

I'll update with pictures later. They're on the other laptop and I need to transfer them over to this one to post.

Still more trip to follow…