Life with Ava

After all the pain of the wait for Ava, J and I are trying to decide when/if we're going to do this again. I do recall adamantly telling J while we were in Guangzhou and Ava was crying pretty much nonstop every night for over a week, that there was no bloody way I'd ever consider repeating the experience.

Fast forward 4 months…

I spent about 2 hours on the phone with CCAI yesterday asking questions about and discussing their program and processes. I'd requested an information packet from them in April and was immediately impressed by how much more together they seemed than Bethany - they disclosed their fees right away and explained the different costs and, really, just altogether had a much more polished presentation prepared for prospective families (geez - there are a lot of p-words in that sentence). After grilling their application manager yesterday and asking her some really intense questions I feel even more comfortable that, if we decide to do this, they are an agency we would feel comfortable working with.

I started filling out their application today (this is very preliminary, people) and had to put it away because it makes me feel like throwing up. It's like I can feel the stress of the last wait all over again. I clearly remember how much I hated the constant monkey-on-my-back feeling of worry and I'm anxious about getting back into that again. I also hate the thought of going through the homestudy scrutiny, disclosing our sorely depleted (from the last adoption) finances, and dealing with the USCIS again and…well, all of the necessary bureaucratic BS that we'll have to do.

Except then I look at Ava (napping now, thank goodness) and I know that it was all so worth it. And I don't want her to grow up being the only different one in our family and our community (which is the least diverse town left on earth, I think). And I want her to have a sibling - someone to grow up with and to be there long after we're gone. And I know that J and I are turning out to be pretty good, albeit clueless, parents and that we could offer our home and our hearts to another child from China.

But then I get scared. Ava is perfect in our family and I wouldn't dare expect/hope for another child to transition in as well as she has. Would bringing another child in totally screw up the family dynamic? I imagine I'm not the only parent, biological or adoptive, that's had these worries or fears.

So right now I'm sort of looking at it as one step at a time. I think that filling out this application and starting the process is ultimately only marking our place at the end of a very, very long line. It's hard, almost impossible, for me to envision a real, live child as the end result, simply because I believe that we're looking at a minimum wait of 5 years, maybe more.

Anybody have any thoughts, experiences, or agency recommendations???

And here's a picture to lighten this post up - just because she's cute and it makes me laugh every time I look at it AND because I know y'all only come here for the pictures anyway. She was walking toward me and yelling (happily) when I snapped it.

Click on the pictures to enlarge

Ava had a big day on Sunday.

Not only did Teeth #7 and #8 make their first (barely) appearance but Ava also got to go on her first official playdate. J, Ava, and I met up with the lovely Miss Abby and her mom, Jenny, at the beach for a few hours of fun for the girls and conversation for the grown ups. (Ack - I'm a grown up now! A grown up taking her kid on playdates!)

It was a comedy of errors getting out the door. We decided that we would meet between 11 and 11:30, so of course J and I were still throwing things into the car at 5 past. We finally loaded everything (we thought) in and got on our way, only to have to turn around about 4 blocks from home so we could come back and get Ava's sunhat and her beach toys. Thank goodness Ava woke up happy and decided to take an early nap because we were sooo disorganized that the last thing we needed was a cranky baby added to the two cranky (at this point) parents. We're so used to throwing a couple of towels and a few bottles of water together for us to go to the beach that we were totally unprepared for the amount of stuff that you have to take when there's a baby along for the ride. Booster chair, umbrella, sunscreen, bug spray, 15 different kinds of snacks, diapers (regular and swim), changes of clothes, 500 toys, still camera, video camera, etc.

And poor J. He was totally the self appointed pack mule - making at least 4 trips from the parking garage to our spot on the beach. I'd guess it was about 3-4 blocks and a flight of stairs each way and he made the trips with no complaints at all. Jenny was smart. She loaded up the stroller with her stuff and carried Miss Abby. Me? I was looking longingly at the wagons and beach carts all the other folks with kids were smart enough to bring.

For the first time ever, we brought a beach umbrella with us AND actually used it. Not only that, Ava was positively drowning in SPF50 sunscreen. I, however, still managed to get sunburned. Apparently sunscreen only works if you actually put it on and, furthermore, the umbrella is only effective if you stay under it. Thank goodness I had on capris since it meant that only 5 inches or so of one leg got burnt although both shoulders resemble well cooked lobsters.

Ava wowed us with her response to the sand and to the water. After all the wailing and gnashing of teeth throughout the last 2 beach trips she totally acted like a little mermaid this time. She let J bury her in the sand and headed for the water like a miniature steamroller ready to flatten anyone in her way. I swear the kid would have headed out as far as we would have let her go - no matter how deep the water got. As it was, she was limited by the length of J's shorts since he waded in with her most of the time.

Abby is adorable. She's 18 months old and is signing and talking like crazy. She was a little bit shy in the beginning, probably only because she had tons of sand to play in and no time for the likes of us. She warmed up quickly and is a little charmer once she gets going. She's also a tiny, tiny little thing. And Abby is definitely going to be a water baby, too. She loved it and kept asking her mama to take her back in - so, so cute.

We spent about 3 hours there and the time just flew by. The girls were happy and we were relaxed - it was a super nice day to just hang out. Ava was exhausted and crashed before we even pulled out of the parking garage.

Ava's allergies are doing so much better - mostly because of the massive amounts of allergy meds she's on. The A/C will probably come on tomorrow for the season and I hope that will also help. Now the teething Saturday night? That was hellish and just goes to show that for every really good day we get from Ava we will pay for that with an equally bad day shortly thereafter.

More on that in a later post…

My boss was kind enough today to let us off a couple of hours early so we could all get an early start to the long weekend. Since today was a Daddy and Ava day and she was at home napping, I took advantage of the time to go to our local bike shop and to the mall since we're looking for an infant bike trailer. (Side note: I bought a cheap one yesterday from the giant mega mart and it's going back tomorrow - piece o' crap that it is.) I kind of figured the bike shop would have the better quality ones but I thought I'd check the sporting goods store at the mall anyway. (I was right - we'll be going back to the bike shop tomorrow to buy a Burley Encore trailer.)

I have to first clarify that I'm not much of a real-life shopper (online is a different story) and I haven't been to the mall in well over a year. That explains why I parked at the wrong end of the mall and had to walk through to the sporting goods store and also explains the ease by which I was distracted by a few stores - namely Gymboree, Baby Gap, and Children's Place. I really needed to get Ava a bathing suit since we have a playdate at the beach on Sunday so I thought I'd pop in and find a cute suit and maybe even a sunhat. Yeah - and I came away with 2 bathing suits, 2 hats, 4 pairs of pajamas, 2 dresses and well, too many other things to mention. What can I say? Things were on sale and the kid has only a few summer outfits in her size. She's still wearing 6-9 month in most things although we have a very few 12 month pieces that fit her. 12 month shirts are okay, fitted dresses are not, and there's no way that her tiny butt will hold up a 12 month pair of shorts or pants. Both of the bathing suits I bought her are size 6-9 months (Children's Place) and are still a little too big. The one piece fits well enough I suppose but the tankini is (as with everything) way too big in the waist. I've tried to hold off on buying too many smaller size outfits because I keep waiting for a growth spurt but she's still wearing the clothes (fall/winter) that we bought and took with us to China. They actually fit her now but will soon be too short simply because she's only growing taller and not wider.

The saddest thing about this is that I actually walked into the Gap because a skirt outfit caught my eye. Once I was in the store the baby section was beckoning and I didn't even bother looking at clothes for me. It's like I totally lost interest in shopping for myself once Ava came home and all I do now (and want to do) is buy her things - mostly books, although clothes and shoes are running a close second after today.

A couple other things I noticed while I was there:

1. What is with the hoochie little bathing suits for babies and toddlers? I saw bikinis with animal prints and glitter and sequins in places only an exotic dancer should have such things - and these were for little, little girls. I really think it's just another example of the early sexualization of young girls and I refuse to participate. For one thing, skin needs to be covered for health reasons (sun damage) so why expose their delicate skin any more than necessary. Ava will be wearing modest bathing suits until she's at least 18, thankyouverymuch.

2. And what is with moms parking their kids in front of the TV at Gymboree and leaving them there unattended? This woman shopping in there left her kids, including a 2-ish year old baby girl in a stroller, while she looked around. The little girl had dropped her bottle and was absolutely wailing and working herself into a total meltdown while the mom was too busy shopping to notice. I finally sat down on the floor and talked to the little girl enough to quiet her a little while one of the store workers went to the mom and requested that she tend to her child. I would never leave Ava like that and would probably freak out if there was a stranger close and talking to her like I was. This woman? Not so much.

All in all, it was a nice way to spend a couple of hours and a nice way to kick off the long weekend!

I can hardly believe we've been a family of 3 for 4 months already! It seems like it was only yesterday that they handed Ava to me but the time has flown by and she's changed so much (see for yourselves with the pictures below). We constantly marvel at how fortunate we are to have this little one in our arms.

Referral Photo (approximately 5-6 months old):

Gotcha Day (9 months & 3 weeks old):

And a couple photos taken last week (13.5 months old):

Can you hardly believe how quickly she's growing up?????

As of today, I think we can officially say she's walking now. We're consistently getting 10-12 steps before she falls over and she's letting go of things on her own and stepping out rather than immediately crawling to get to something. She's certainly not winning any gracefulness contests or speed races - but our girl is definitely starting to toddle around on two legs instead of on all fours.

We finally got some video tonight and once I have time to experiment with the new Mac I'll try to post some of it on the blog. It's just too cute for words watching her stumble around like a miniature bowlegged, drunken sailor.