Life with Ava

I don't know what it is or why they do it, but it's amazing to me how freely people share their advice and/or comments on my decision to return to work instead of being a stay-at-home mom. And, of course, most of those people have their own agenda and generally seem to disapprove of my choice. Down deep, I don't really care what most other people think but it does strike a chord with me as I'm constantly worrying about and questioning our decision to put Ava in daycare. I, for one, would never delve into anyone's decision to return (or not) to work after birthing or adopting a child. It's too complex an issue for me to understand anyone's motivations or reasons. Besides, I'm too busy worrying about my own life and kid to spend too much time worrying about anyone else's.

I work for a lot of reasons. Financial is one, naturally. J is an enlisted military guy and, though we do okay, we all know they're not getting rich off of this career choice. On top of that we live in a fairly high cost of living area and there are some things that we wanted that would not be possible on one income alone. First and foremost, we wanted to own our own home. Second, we wanted to adopt from China at least once (and maybe twice) which is not exactly inexpensive. Third, we want retirement savings and a college fund for Ava. And lastly, we didn't want to live paycheck to paycheck. We did that in the early years and I'm not in that place anymore. Bottom line is that we're looking for financial security for our family and we've decided that can be better achieved with two incomes.

I think I've also made it pretty clear that I love my job. It's a great company (was small at one time but is now growing by leaps and bounds) and I'm convinced that our employees are rather exceptional. It really is like a family environment, complete with sibling spats that are quickly forgotten, and that makes all the difference when you're spending lots of time there. I know I'm valued and that I make a difference to people. I also have a lot of flexibility which will allow me time with Ava when needed (if she's sick, etc) with no worries on how my boss will react. He's a dad of 3 himself and knows all about these things. I can work from home in a pinch and I have a great support staff who can keep things going just fine when I'm not around.

Does this mean I don't second guess myself? Of course not. I hate having to leave Ava there, weeping, every morning. It nearly breaks my heart to turn around and walk out of there as she's crying for me. I miss her so much and I hate to think of someone else getting to do all the things I would do for her if I were there. I worry that she's going to transfer her affections and our budding attachment to her caretaker at daycare. All that said, if I peek in the window on the way to the car then she's usually already stopped crying by the time I'm in the parking lot and she comes rushing over to me to be picked up as soon as I walk in the door at the end of the day. So far it seems like she knows I'm the mom and shows it by demanding (loudly and screamily) that I should be the one holding her, no one else will do, if I'm in the room. There are also benefits to her being there. She is much less fearful and she's babbling up a storm. She is also becoming more desensitized to every little sound which is a huge big deal as she used to startle (and wake) at the slightest noise.

It also means that I am out the door at 5PM sharp. This is a total turnaround for me as I used to be the last one out of the office - usually around 7PM. Now little Miss Ava has my undivided attention from then until she goes to bed and I'll only pick up the work laptop after she's asleep.

So please, folks, remember to be kind to the working moms. I already know how much I'm missing of Ava's daily life and I'm well aware that we're outsourcing her care for a large portion of her day. I know that I feel bad enough about it without the reminder. Most of us are doing it for a myriad of reasons and we've thought long and hard about all of the options.

And here's another example of why I love my job:

We have a small number of employees who work in Kuwait and Iraq. They directly support the soldiers on the ground there and we're very proud of our role in supporting the troops. I provide much of the admin support to these employees and I tend to spoil them a bit when I can because they work so hard and give up a lot to be there doing their jobs. This spoiling does go both ways, which I discovered Sunday when they sent Ava a very large and generous gift certificate. I crafted a number of thank you emails and finally just sent them a short note and this picture:

I figured this picture could say it better than I ever could!